The world is too much with us: late and soon, Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers.
William Wordsworth

How busy are your children? How much time do they have to just be children?

You know the scenario: weekend sport, after school practice, ballet, music lessons, martial arts, and various other organised activities. And there’s schoolwork, homework, and the iPhone, iPad, computer games, apps, MP3 players, Facebook, Twitter and other social networking platforms. It is no wonder children are experiencing more stress than ever before. And even reporting that sometimes, they’d just like to do ‘nothing’.

When was the last time your child sat down and ‘stopped to smell the roses’?

Jody Forbes (2010), describes the ability to be still in a busy world as being ‘present focused’ or mindful and ‘savouring’ the moment. She says, “Savouring requires one to become fully aware of positive feelings, appreciate them and make deliberate attempts to prolong the enjoyment”. Adults need to do this also, of course, but maybe it is time to check that our children have time simply to savour?

Mindful savouring connects us with countless positive experiences and studies have shown that the greater a person’s skill in savouring an event or activity the greater the joy he or she feels in response to positive events. The positive emotions generated not only make a person feel happy at the time, research has shown they also over time improve short-term physical health and lessen the risk of illness.

As parents we can teach children to gain all the benefits of savouring by modeling what this means. Here are some ways:

1. Share your good feelings with others

Studies of how people react to positive events show those who share with friends have a higher level of overall happiness than people who do not share their feelings; even if they are alone at the time of the event, simply thinking about sharing the memory with a friend adds to overall happiness. Encourage your children to share their memories with you, their friends and family members. Listen mindfully.

2. Take a mental photograph

When building memories, people need to search for, notice, and highlight the things they find most enjoyable. In the process, they not only pinpoint pleasurable aspects of the situation and enhance the intensity of joy in the present, they also form clearer and more vivid memories they can more easily recall and share with others in the future. Simply consciously looking for the good things in activities leads to higher levels of happiness. Practice this skill with your children by asking them on a regular basis to notice in detail the things that make them feel happy.

3. Congratulate yourself

Savouring the things you do well by ‘patting yourself on the back’ mentally is associated with improved wellbeing. Research shows that the more people mentally affirm themselves when they do well, the more they report enjoying the particular outcome and the more they are able to savour their success. This is much harder to teach children because of the worry of ‘showing off’. Saying out loud ‘I’m really happy about how I did that’ will give your children permission to say the same. Once they understand it’s okay to be proud of their achievements, teach them to give themselves a mental pat on the back, rather than saying it aloud.

4. Sharpen your sensory perceptions

Blocking out distractions by closing your eyes to stop competing sights, sounds or smells distracting you sharpens attention on the pleasure itself. In research this has been found to make the experience more mindful and pleasurable. Tell your children to close their eyes and give them a square of chocolate to eat, a rose to smell or a song to listen to. Ask them to describe their feelings.

5. Shout it from the rooftops

Outwardly expressing positive feelings can intensify them by providing our minds with physical evidence that we are, in fact, joyful. When we receive unexpected good news we should laugh out loud, jump up and down, and shout for joy. By ‘putting on a happy face’, the evidence suggests, we may actually feel more positive.

6. Compare the outcome to something worse

If we compare good experiences with less pleasant ones, we have a frame of reference by which to judge the merit of the experience. When children receive a poor mark in a test or their team doesn’t win, ask them to think about either how their scores could have been worse or how they could have been better. Imagining a worse outcome increases appreciation of success, while imagining a better one lowers appreciation.

7. Get absorbed in the moment

Total immersion or absorption in an experience is known to enhance enjoyment of that experience. Most people are able to recall a time when they were so engrossed in what they were doing they lost all sense of time and place. Find pleasurable experiences that engross your children (perhaps not computer games; perhaps reading a children’s adventure book like The Entwhistle Experience: Glued!!). When people are absorbed and mindful, they report increased pleasure and reduced stress.

8. Count your blessings and give thanks

Showing gratitude for what you have is important in savouring life. In a week long experiment, students who counted blessings at the end of each day reported higher levels of happiness than students who counted hassles or neutral events. Research indicates that saying “thank you” to a friend, saying grace before a meal or expressing gratitude in prayer, song or a speech can actually increase joy by providing conscious awareness of positive feelings. With effort over time, people can cultivate an “attitude of gratitude” that becomes a habit. Think about placing a ‘gratitude stone’ beside your children’s beds to remind them to identify ten things they are grateful for each day. The stone could be one they find themselves or they buy at a market.

9. Remind yourself of how quickly time flies

Savouring past good times by reminiscing and rekindling the joy from these memories; and looking forward by anticipating and imagining the joy you’ll feel in a positive experience or outcome is known to enhance happiness. Studies show that people who regularly reminisce about past positive experiences or eagerly anticipate future pleasure, such as a holiday, enhance their pleasure and therefore their mental health and wellbeing. Children love to hear about what Mum and Dad did when ‘they were little’.

10. Avoid killjoy thinking

When it comes to savouring life it’s just as important to avoid thinking negatively as it is to think positively. Unfortunately, “all too often savouring gets lost in the stress of everyday living. And thus beautiful views pass unnoticed, scrumptious desserts are swallowed untasted, and relationships with friends and family go underappreciated. Although we may have no shortage of positive experiences, appreciating and enhancing them requires savouring. With this skill, we can enjoy life more fully, find greater happiness, and experience greater physical health” (Bryant).

By simply teaching children to savour we can improve resilience, joy, and the fun, mystery and adventure of life. I encourage you to give it a try.